Monday, October 31, 2005

HELLO I am freaking bored to death in the freaking cold computer laboratory what the hell are the chinese people doing cooping themselves up in the freaking hall?! Pardon me but I am so absolutely bored and there's only Junda for company. GOSH. So tempted to act like Stephie: *shudders*

T stands for TRAINING and it's at approximately 1 pm. I think they're trying to bake us or something. WTF LAR running in ECP at bloody 1 pm is so not on my list of things-to-do. I WILL BAKE AND MELT AND DIE. !!!!!! Dear God, please grant some rains and thunderstorms to me.

Hopefully everything goes well and we'll FINALLY have FX outing on Wednesday.

Newsroom later. I have yet to think of my party ensemble for the night. DAMN. Ought to be fun. I hope Grandpa comes and bring me clubhopping for FREE. First day of school come party with me lar!

Okay bye off to PP ( Parkway Parade, the town of the Kampong ) with Stephie to EAT, so that we'll have more energy for T later. Bless us.

11:50:00 am

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Maybe our group ought to do more, stop slacking, and feel a bit more anxious about PW. It's rather disconcerting that everyone's treating PW like royalty, while we're washing it down with milo with pearls. OH WELL. Junda is my group member, that ought to explain everything.

AND by the way, DARYL NG WEI REN ( yes, noble man, but he's not noble at all he's pretending to be SOON YUYUAN ) you ought to be shot to death you know! I am not a big fat and round fishball you ass and STOP spelling my name that way. YOU SPELL IT LIKE THAT ONE MORE TIME I GIVE YOU DIE I TELL YOU! You better do your chinese tomorrow properly okay because you'r a chinese stop pretending to be a VERY WHITE indian. ( and get E8 for chinese again )

My name is SOON YUYAN.

Okay, lucks for Chinese all you Chinese slogging your hearts out for our Mother Tongue tomorrow morning.

10:09:00 pm

The korean show is over. I really want to watch it again. He is so fetching sweet. Just like you.

It's so hard to tear yourself away, from people that you were once so attached to. As Bright Light says, some things you don't need until they leave you, and they'r the things that you miss. That is so damn right.

And maybe I wasn't thinking right, when I said we shouldn't be so close anymore.
Missing a number of people that haven't been here for some time. And maybe that includes you.



And you.




And you.

12:44:00 am

Saturday, October 29, 2005

10:10:00 pm

Friday, October 28, 2005













1) These are our FX hands, cutting out FX cake ( slice ), on our FX day.
2) This is our FX cake.
3) This is FX FOREVER, on our..
4) St Nicholas Day of Glory at the National Stadium.

Bird, Vee, Kancheong, do you all still remember what FX = Infinity means?

Please have an FX outing soon.

I'll give anything just to go back and sit in our 4 Unity classroom with the horrible 4 coulours painting that Cheleen Chua forced us to do. I'll purposely eat my peanut butter bread so that Rosalind will catch me. And use my mirror to check my hair so that Hagrid will come and scold us. And write another fantastic essay so that Gigi Wong will say, " Go have a look at Yuyan's essay! " And stand behind Molly during Bio practicals and pull her hair. And eat Dried Mangoes in Mrs Hoo's class. And act like a model student in Physics lesson. And sleep during Brenda's powerpoint slides. I'll continue going to school early in the morning to copy Yupei's homework and eat my smelly peanut butter bread while walking down to the field. And throw all my rubbish behind my chair. And offer tissues to Hongpei when she starts her sneezing trance during flag-raising. And squat in the shady area during family dance.

NOW, all I can do in school is start our HOW-SOON company with little Birdie. FX is not complete with just the fish and the bird. We miss the crocodile and the gorilla.

1:17:00 pm

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


The repercussions of running ( sprinting ) in the rain are kicking in:

1) My forehead's so hot I can probably fry an egg on it.
2) Call me Fishball the Red-Nose Reindeer.
3) My lungs hurt from intense coughing.

So, I'm not exactly in the best of moods now. All i need is the doctor and some retarded ass to come and entertain me. I hate the way fever makes you so miserable you just want to crawl into bed under your covers and sleep to death.

My very bad habit is surfacing again. I'm really sorry for the way I like to twist things and imagine it the worst way possible. It's the cynic in me. A cynic refuses to believe that there are good sides to things. It's so hard to curb it because it comes as naturally to me as eating and sleeping.

Somebody come give me a hug soon please. JC people are so deprived of hugs. We used to hug people about 50 times a day. HELLO hugs GOODBYE hugs HAPPY hugs SAD hugs RANDOM hugs RECESS hugs AFTER SCHOOL hugs. St Nics is full of love as you can see. OH Chia Ruyu has the best hugs in the world. And it's been proven that hugs improve your mood and make you happy.

Threading is so freaking painful. But its okay. I'm brave. With sexy arched brows.

I'm so happy everything's alright. (: At least I hope it is. And I'm going to pray with all my life it stays that way.

9:36:00 pm

Tuesday, October 25, 2005



Can't remember who is this and who sent me this. ( another random photo in my folders ) Pretty impressive move though. I have a feeling it's Sam's favourite S Star.

The dread of taking 966 weighs me down. I wish I could run away forever.

So miserable.

I really detest faking and pretending and avoiding and pretty much everything else that's going on once I step into the East.

10:26:00 pm

Monday, October 24, 2005


Tell me why I miss that are-you-me boy.

On such a random monday, there are 81 people online.

I found this among many weird and random pictures in My Received Files. VS boys are so weird. What's that orange thing that they'r looking at so intently. Spot my very KK PF.




maybe I'm a girl who's in the middle of something, that she doesn't really understand;

10:45:00 pm

Sunday, October 23, 2005




Thanks for making me happy.







Oh my god I've been waiting for this day for too damn long. I am so delirious/ elated/ happy/ overjoyed/ relieved/ thankful/ ( check the thesaurus for more ) FINALLY, after so damn freaking long, we can talk like.. friends. I am so happy I can't describe how happy I am. I am truly truly happy I can finally put down the past and leave it all behind. And actually I secretly think both of you look good together and I'm happy that you look so happy with her. And it feels so damn good. To know that we can finally talk like friends and I can finally stop listening to The Reason on repeat mode. It feels so so so soo damn good. This is a day, long awaited, and long overdue. But it's here, and that's all that matters. (:

Now, if only that can apply to somebody else, I'll be even happier.

But for now, let me relish in my happiness. (:

FEEL MY ELATION! :DDDD

10:45:00 pm

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Hello my new hobby is.. bullying PFW. Haha I wonder why I derive so much joy from doing that.

Parents came over for university talk today, which was a total bore but it was a 3 hours well spent gossiping with Mrs Dex Lee. ( HEEHEE ) Everyone was kind of mesmerised by my charming and handsome daddy, especially PF who can't seem to stop saying that my dad is suave and handsome. And then.. it was totally time for S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G!

Two little girls were too happy today, scavaging town for my perfect bag and we finally found it after a few long hours of hard work! Happiness was beyond belief and we just sat at Coffee Club reliving our humble and fruitful day. We were totally mesmerised by the cute little musical thing that plays Someday My Prince Will Come and it was spinster mood in full swing. It is so fetching sweet I just stood there and played it for about 37284723489732894739 times. But OH we are so happy and we love KTV. Steph madly does anyway.

Okay, happy happy, time for a platinum chat with my platinum friend! I have only an hour to spare I need to be on time for my cutesy korean star show on my favouritest channel.

9:35:00 pm

The wedding didn't turn out too bad after all! Thanks to my 3 tall, macho and handsome cousins. They were being cheap entertainment and entertaining the kids by pretending to be gays. ( by putting flowers and corsages into their hair ) We took hell lotsa photos but I have no idea where all of them are haha so I guess I'll probably never see the photos ever again. I have no idea since when did my cousins transform from skinny and yucks to tall and macho. Not complaining though heehee.

The groom was drunk by the end of everything and he started blabbering. It was quite a funny and touching scene but you'll have to be there to understand it. Everyone kind of started tearing while I was.. laughing at the side. And someone told me AGAIN that I was so cynical. Which is so oh my god I KNOW IT LAR. This must be the 374892378947238947 th time people have told me ever since the first person Mark Tay the Yucks told me I was damn fucking cynical because I told him Flor and Bryan Pang the Violent is so not going to last. That 3 hours spent sitting outside Somerset is still fresh in my mind excuse me.

PF I'll call tomorrow don't worry haha hope you had a nice date with PFW. Blahh you'r the person I'll miss the most when everyone goes into the army you know. Okay that was so random but just now they were all discussing about who's going into the army and discussing how life changes and I was just thinking of all the people I'll miss when all you horrible boys shave.

Sorry, being a little on the emo side after the groom's touching speech. Weddings so make you feel like getting married. Brides are all so pretty.

I am such a freaking coward. Until now I still can't get my contacts in by myself. The funny thing is I can get it out perfectly fine on my own though. And they say it's harder to get it out then put it in. DAMN I just have to be so weird.

12:42:00 am

Friday, October 21, 2005

I would like to congratulate myself, for my second day of freedom and liberation. Everyone's at my uncle's house for my cousin's wedding. I opted for sleep. Tea ceremonies seriously bore me, I don't see the fun of standing in a corner, watching them serve tea right from my grandpa down to the last uncle. I have a very big clan in case you didn't know. I think it'd take 5 pots of tea and 4 hours before they'd finish drinking tea. I'd have been hidden upstairs camping out on my cousin's bed.

I am such a cynic. Really.

And so it's the wedding dinner at night. That I can't skip. It's going to be so boring I hate family gatherings on my dad's side I have nobody to talk to except for my sister and all they ever do is comment on your weight, studies and garble out family gossips for the past decade. The only plus point is that I can act as glamorous as I want and nobody would say that I'm over-dressed. Thumbs up for that. But I'm still going to be bored off my pants. If you love me like me pity me hate me anything me, please call or sms or anything! From the time of 7 pm to 12 midnight. I'll be eternally grateful I'll even marry you. Yes, this is an advert. I'm desperate for entertainment. I thrive on it, and wilt without.

I'm not sure why I still care, even when you try so hard to leave me out and block me out time and time again. Maybe if you could just tell me why you're doing all these, I'd leave on my own accord and let you have what you want. Perhaps without me, everyone would be so much happier and life in school would probably be a whole lot better then.

Somewhere along the line I've taken the path to being a coward and chose to run away. It's the only thing that's working, out of all the hare-brained ideas that I thought would worked, but needless to say, which have all failed.

Off for a soul-seeking swim alone with the all out aim of attempting to look better before tonight and find some solutions and answers to the burning issues on hand.

11:56:00 am

Thursday, October 20, 2005

I swear I intended to go school today I even told Sam yesterday that I'll go after chinese. BUT at 815 when my alarm rang, I felt too weary to even drag myself to school, much less attend lessons and face all the animosity of the civil war. BUT I had the full intention of going at 4 for training. I told Steph I'd go when she called. BUT at 3 she kind of msged me and told me training's at 330 and it was already too late for me to go anyway. So I ended up watching mindless cartoons ( Channel 35 ), Ah Feng Kung Fu show ( Channel 55 ), Liverpool against Bolton Repeat ( Channel 23 ) etc with my little sister. All in all, we watched about 10 hours of TV today. And ate just about everything we could lay our hands on at home. She is so cute she made me her specialty dish ( according to her ) : frozen grape yakult served in a jelly cup. I guess the makings of a great chef ( like me ) runs in the family.

While watching 10 hours of crazy tv today, I caught the Holidays On Ice Hollywood ( HOIH ) adverts! I've been wanting to go to some On Ice thing ever since Disney On Ice. ( which I didn't go in the end cos Yong Zirui didn't want to go with me ) HOIH looks much nicer though, they have Moulin Rouge, Titanic and all the Hollywood what nots. Somebody go with me please I really really want to go.

Which reminds me,

RU hurry up find a day next week we're supposed to go eat Ikea meatballs!

Huis and Mok! I'm supposed to bring you all to the secret land for secret buys!

And DAGGERS, I realised we have this weird routine of meeting very frequently for a period of time and suddenly MIA for another period of time. Time for the meet very frequently period already okay.

I'm quite sad I have a feeling SSG's not going Bangkok anymore. DAMN. What's that FE doing.

10:11:00 pm

Wednesday, October 19, 2005


I guess the long march has inevitably begun. Sometimes my intuition is so accurate it really scares me. Mao Ze Dong took one long year to end it. When will ours end?

Caught Goal! It was really good, like one of the best movies I've watched this year. Good movies are so rare these days. I kind of got over-excited ahd squealed too loudly when Beckham appeared though. The movie's so good if you'r a fan of EPL. All the big shots were in there. And it was kind of inspirational and the moves were slick and good. We had fun spotting people like Lampard, Biscan, Baros, Eriksson etc.

I was momentarily happy after watching the movie, before reality set in and my mood was killed.

I wish it didn't bother me so much. I'm trying so hard not to care and it's so pathetic that nothing's working.

9:51:00 pm

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I almost died of stress and heart attack just now, attempting to rush out the written report. Potter so gets on my nerves I just feel like murdering him and cutting him up into 237489372498372 pieces.

Thank god Daryl was here. DARYL, you'r an angel! Thanks for making pie charts ( who is the most charming person on earth= daryl 77% ) and everything for me. I would have died without you I'm really the most untech-savvy person that I've ever met. ( Sam, stop sniggering. I know what's WINRAR now I bet you don't ) And please don't be an ass, I know you secretly enjoy spelling my name wrongly and annoying me haha.

I reckon if you don't know what's going on or if you don't understand, you should just keep your comments to yourself because they are really quite hurting. Even if you don't agree with the way we think or the way we do things. If you think we really don't know what you'r trying to say, then just forget it, I don't even want to start. It has always been like this anyway. Oh yes we're tyrants and we're always in the wrong.

I feel like we're constantly fighting a civil war everyday. Like the KMT and CCP. Sooner or later, there's going to be a long march and we'll just all perish together. I love the last line from Guns N Roses Civil War you know:

What's so civil about a war anyway?

10:43:00 pm

Monday, October 17, 2005

It was one hell of a day in school, to call it Dooms Day would be more appropriate. Everyone was on the brink of depression and some just sank right into it. Somehow, D-E-A-D sounds nice now.

Still, I'm feeling generally happy right now because training was exceptionally good and I feel so loved by everyone. I think I'm a very mood-conscious person. When I'm in a good mood, everything goes just fine. Carol and I ran 4.8 like lightning today, we were so delirious! Gym circuits weren't too bad too, all our muscles are returning! Soon, we'll be able to challenge Wenyi, our HwaChung acquaintance who can do 9 pullups. Macho girl she is.

It's so lovely when everyone loves you.

Bird, Steph, Rach and I had a treat at Soup Spoon and we went crazy pretending we were going to take part in the Olympics ( going for LAWN BOWLING ) but I pointed out to Bird that they probably have a minimum age requirement of 60 for that. In case you didn't know, lawn bowling is a sport loved by the senior citizens. And that woman just had to appear at THAT moment with the Beijing 2008 bag.

Vee gave me a slippers keychain to hang on my phone. OH I JUST LOVE IT! It's so lovely and cute! <3 you to the max! I'll dangle it from my pocket tomorrow and show it off to everyone!

Grandpa 75 bucks is the sweetest thing on earth. I'll get all my As and wait for your truly goody treat! Maybe you could just throw a birthday bash for me at like Newsroom or something and rig the lucky draw so I can win everything HAHAHA. THEN, I'll award you with the Grandpa of the Year award.

My hands are still trembling from gym.

OH and I absolutely HAVE to mention this weird phenomenon. Sam and I got EVERYTHING, practically everything the same. D-D-E and C5 is what we have. Ting says people who hang out together get the same grades. Somehow, that's quite true. Our marks are within a difference of 3 marks or something. It's so weird lar but it's okay <3 you! Don't be too depressed already okay! Although your annoying right to the ass friend, KAREN bugs you. She bugs me too you know, cos she bugs you that's why she bugs me. HAHAHA. It's a riddle. Look at Question 6 of comprehension! WE'RE ONE OF THE FEW PEOPLE WITH IMMENSE DEPTH IN THEIR ENGLISH WHO GOT IT CORRECT! :D

Oh, patching up with people makes me very happy. (:

Giving chocolates make me happy too. (:

( Sam, I'm not a cynic today, I'm filled with lots of love for the world. Look at the amount of smileys, I can rival RA already heehee :) )

11:28:00 pm

Sunday, October 16, 2005

HELLO you all, I'll survive. So, don't worry.

Things are looking better. (:

Vee, your hair will grow with lightning speed it'll be long again like TOMORROW. Mchandsome will still love you. HEEHEE.

PF, my tender heart is still going strong. All thanks to you.

Sam, maybe you could be kirsten ( is that her name? ) and I could be lacy. Or maybe I should just be your boyfriend Brian. HAHA. And you could end your spinsterhood!

Bird, Steph, Rach, thanks for waiting yesterday. Mr Crumpler Bag is mine by the way. HAHA we'll go on that expedition trip and have the time of our lives.

Jon, thanks for listening and helping. Things will turn out just fine for you too.

The rest of the people who asked me if I were alright, THANKS LOTS!

And most importantly. Xiaohong, we've both said this a million times but I'll still say it again, sorry. I'll give you a hug tomorrow (: <333

For Sam's sake, I'll quit being cynical. And treat the world with love. Praise the Lord. ( Sam says I should say this )

how many special people change;

9:58:00 pm

Saturday, October 15, 2005

I haven't been so sad since the day he left.

Somehow everything I wanted to say came out the wrong way, and it just sounded totally wrong and obviously it didn't come through at all.

I'm so tired.

Somewhere along the way I've kind of forgotten how it feels like to be happy.

Maybe it's time to learn, the way people do things here. Pretend and forget.

Because very obviously, the principles that I've been living by doesn't work anymore. Somehow, you just can't be honest.

I recently just found out how deprived my tear glands were in the past. They're letting everything go now.

I'm very worried for myself. I don't want to live on iron pills again just to get through the day. Somebody please make me eat.

when all your love is gone, who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world;

10:17:00 pm

Friday, October 14, 2005

Today was the last straw. The fucking last straw.

Dearest dearest PF, I really can't tell you how much I <3 you. ( friendship love ) You're the bestest PF ever you know. I was controlling and pretending and suffocating for the whole morning, putting on a fucking brave front in front of everyone else. But the moment I saw you and the concerned look on your face I just couldn't take it anymore. I really didn't mean to break down and cry.( walau eh at the loft somemore all the soccer boys saw I have no more face left ) Thank you so so so much for being there. LOVE YOU! And the way you always know when I'm sad. You're completely forgiven for going away on my birthday. Buy me a nice present okay!

And I have nothing else to say, except that,

I am so thoroughly disappointed in you.

You fucking sliced my heart open today.

But I will not allow myself to allow you to do that ever again.

5:16:00 pm

I'm being stupid again, I know. Just let me be stupid for one last day.

I don't know why you don't want to talk to me. I really want to talk to you.

12:04:00 am

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Pardon me for being emo. Right now I feel like I'm going through an emo rollercoaster, a never ending one.

I'm very rash, I don't take time to go through things in my head. Today was a fucking bad day. Thank you Bird, for talking to me. Thank you Steph, for waiting for so long with me. Thank you Jon, for playing 3 dollars soccer with me when I was stranded alone in the canteen.

There's something in that sushi place, that just make us go to pieces. I can't describe how regretful I am, for all the stupid things I've done. For not cherishing you when you were here, for taking you for granted, for acting like an asshole and pushing you to her. Somehow, Steph made me realise today, in FULL impact, what I've really lost, by letting you go. I should have fought for you, I should have told you everything, I should have just told you you'r the only one I really care about and don't go back to her.

You make me want to kiss the roses for being so red. You make me want to dance with you through the night. You make me want to walk with you down that road and just go on and on and never stop. You make me want to do stupid things and shout to the world that I'm the happiest girl on earth. You make me wanna hold you till the morning light.

Steph says it's a fairytale, because it's too good to be true. I really think I'm incapable of truly liking somebody else. It sounds ludicrous, I know. Exaggerated, I know. But you don't have to understand, cos that's what I feel.

I thought I was long over it, I really thought so. But today, while we were eating sushi in that damned place again, Steph made me realise that I'll never be able to do so. I feel like writing a ten-page letter, telling you about everything, right from the start, from the dance. But it's really pointless you know, it's just pointless and I know it. I'm so so so so sorry for not cherishing you and appreciating everything you'v done for me. You've done so so so much, I don't think I'll ever find somebody else like you. It's true.

No matter how much I tell other people, they'll never know the full extent of all that you'v done. Of the every little thing that you did, to make me happy, to cheer me up, to be there for me. But now all I can do is sit in that little sushi booth, and wallow in misery with Steph, on how I am the biggest idiot on earth.

After so long, you'r just a part of me I can't let go. I really miss you you know. I miss you more than anything in this world. I want to tell you everything, right from how I really heart you.


I wrote a letter to you today. I was waiting for Steph and I couldn't take it anymore. I'm so tired of the emotional battles. I have many things that I want to say, but I know you won't agree with some of them. I just want to get everything out, I hope you'll at least let me say it. I wrote that letter straight from my heart. If things doesn't get better, there's nothing else I can do. At least I really tried. I did so many things I don't want to, there's really no room in me for more regrets.


BABY CAN I HOLD YOU TONIGHT says:
haha you know,
BABY CAN I HOLD YOU TONIGHT says:
sometimes i admire the way you can thrash things out with people
BABY CAN I HOLD YOU TONIGHT says:
i cant

You learn, this ability of mine, was harnessed from many past experiences. From Wu Juan up to G, I've fallen out with too many people. It's time I learnt, to thrash things out. If I had opened my damned mouth to talk things out properly with you, things would have been so different.

Why is it so hard for us to talk I really can't take it anymore. I really hate the way it drags on and on. Ever since tuesday I've been trying to talk to you about it and something always crops up. I'm so sick and tired of it.

Tomorrow, I will forget and move on. This is the last time I'll ever be writing about you. I swear to myself, it's the last. But for today, just let me listen to The Reason again, for the last time, the real last time.

10:32:00 pm

OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH I TELL YOU. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF IT. I'M GOING TO HUNT YOU OUT AND THRASH EVERYTHING OUT I TELL YOU. I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME OR NOT. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. ANOTHER DAY OF ANIMOSITY AND I'LL JUST BRING ROTTEN EGGS TO SCHOOL TO PELT YOU I TELL YOU. I CREATED THIS MESS AND I'M DETERMINED TO END IT BY TODAY.

AND YOU BLOODY HELL KNOW WHO YOU ARE .

3:41:00 pm

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Something tells me, that something is going to go wrong. Intuition, women live by that.

You know, I really hate it when you get into the mood to do something and you'r prevented from doing it. It really irks me you know, patience isn't really one of my virtues. Right now, I'm in the mood for a long talk and I can't do that if the person I want to talk to is MIA.

I'm giving you another 20 minutes.

In life, there are many rules you have to live by and obey. And you have to be prepared to face the consequences when you break them. No one ever said life was easy.

You live from day to day and you feel that life is pointless. I really see no point in going to school. The meaning of school has taken on a different perspective. It was once our second home. Now I just view it as place that you HAVE to go because there is no choice. Somebody thank god we only have to slog it out for another year.

I really don't understand why people now can't treat each other with sincerity and their upmost honesty. Everybody is just so fake you can practically hear the sound of plastic rubbing on to you. And that includes me, myself. It's useless to open your heart out and treat anyone with honesty because all you get in the end is their cruel hypocricy. And so you learn, and you slowly learn, to be just like them.

I still remember how we sat at the bench for 3 hours. When you tried to talk your way out and make things better and I just sat there without uttering a single word for 3 hours. I should have told you then, the whole truth. Things might have been different now. That was really the first time I felt as if it was then end of the world.

And I still remember how I wanted to run away at the train station when we were already in there, waiting to board the train, because I just couldn't stand our proximity. Florence was livid and she scolded me. I bet you didn't know that I secretly teared and actually what I wanted to do was cry out loud. But thank you so much for scolding me. We wouldn't have spent 4 of the most amazing days with them then.

And I also remember the day when we were under so much pressure we started crying and crying at Macritchie and pouring our heart out.

It's these displays of raw emotions, that makes you feel that:

There is still hope and love after all.

10:40:00 pm

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Wth I really hate it when people do this, because they always hit a raw nerve and it ALWAYS god damn it works. DAMN. It's the one and only foolproof way and less than 5 people in the world know how to use it against me. That includes my dad, my mum and Ivy Pan. It is imperative that The Way is kept a secret because if not, everyone will know my ultimate weakness. That is simply terrible. People who know my weaknesses are horrible! But I like them haha. I don't expose my weaknesses to people. In fact, I guard them with my heart and soul. That's why I have high admiration for people who discover about them on their own. I think it shows that they truly care.

But then, things will never be the same again. It never ever does.


baby can i hold you tonight says:
somehow we ...
baby can i hold you tonight says:
are people who find it difficult
baby can i hold you tonight says:
to forget completely and pretend that nothing's ever happened
baby can i hold you tonight says:
it's damn hard lah
baby can i hold you tonight says:
and we're just not good enough


Still, I believe in thrashing things out. It's hard to make others believe in what you believe in and how you handle things. Everyone has their own morals to live by. I really can't help it if others think that our morals are eccentric, because that's just the way we are, and that's the way we were taught. Oh well, at least I'm thrashing things out. Once upon a time, even last year, I would have ran way, because St Nics girls' egos are too big for their own good. And believe it or not, we're proud of it. (:

Anyway, I am very secretly happy because I secretly think we'll go on that trip after all. I really cannot wait. :DDDDD

Eh I'll be really disappointed if we don't go in the end you know. LIKE REALLY REALLY REALLY. ( this is a hint to Flor and PF, you all should know what to do )

11:05:00 pm

After a while you learn
the subtle difference
between
holding a hand
and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
and you learnto build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of fallin down
in mid-fight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...


Presenting to you,
My favouritest poem.

[edit] PF, be alright okay. I'm quite worried. [/edit]

12:10:00 am

Monday, October 10, 2005

Honesty is the best policy. If you have issues with me, please thrash it out with me okay? I don't like to leave things hanging, I'd rather thrash it all out and get it clear.

I don't like changes. I don't like things to turn sour. I want it to be the way it was forever. When we were all at our happiest.

SSG's gang leader just invited me on their trip. I. Really. Don't. Know. If. I. Want. To. Go. G's going. PFPFPFPFPFPF, discuss soon. And. I was supposed to go for Vee's one. DAMNNNNNNN. Flor, discuss soon too. Because. I. kindofwanttogo. HAHA damn I am so forbidden with a big fat capital F.

I know it's wrong to go. Yet I know I want to go. And I also know it won't make any difference to anything.

Why is that little piece of me inside still waiting?

my love is vengeance, that's never free;

10:41:00 pm

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Caught 5 hours of TV, just. 2 hours of boxing show and 3 hours of korean show. Damn, I really like the korean show, the korean star is so tall and macho and cute. And I secretly think he looks like G when he smiles. They have the same smile you know, those that you can't see the eyes. But it's been a very long time since I saw that smile.

Indochine was okay, music sucked quite a bit, met lots of people but crowd wasn't very good. They waited damn long to get the dance floor started and there was damn alot of groping and grinding and so many people got so wasted. People like G******** really turns me off. Tequila shots make you really high and I kind of like the flying-in-the-air sensation but the after effects suck, though it wore out after awhile. Had fun sleeping over at Flor's. I realised people who sleep with me all like to snuggle up to me, I guess I'm just very snuggable after all. But I liked sleeping with Huis. (: We all got woke up at 8 am by the cold, and Chengs and PY's noises ( wth were you all doing!? ) Huis really shocked me with her sudden leap of improvement in liquor containment. She shot down that tequila with me and drank so many cups. Once upon a time, she couldn't even finish half a bottle of 5% vodka. By the way, I like strawberry rum. Oh wellsssss, I hope Taboo would be better.

Dear Zirui, it's aplomB and it means great self-confidence. I have no idea what you mean and I am not a party animal you ass. Talk to me soon okay! Go to a party soon leh stop being so kk I want to dance with you again.

By the way, I'm still waiting for my SA to appear ( where are you!! ) I really kind of miss having somebody to fuss around and somebody to fuss me around. Appear soon okay!

5:35:00 pm

Friday, October 07, 2005

Happiness = shopping = good buys = meeting lots of people = nice boys = end of exams = life is so beautiful!

If only I could add in RICHHHHHH with lots of $$$$$$$$$$$$, it would be perfect.

But life is full of imperfections. And that's what makes it beautiful.

It's 8 Oct tomorrow and it's a busy busy day.

Dancing in the moonlight makes us happy, it's the song to sing after your love proposes to you HAHA.

Time to catch up with uncaughtup friendssssss!

Time to kick back, relax, and dance in the moonlight. ((:

11:39:00 pm

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Maths and Chem were both disasters, at least they'r gone and we can put it behind. 12 more hours to salvation! Exams are so suffocating, they'r detrimental to both your physical and emotional well-being. Tomorrow, it's full swing retail therapy! :DDDDD

Daryl is the funniest boy on Earth I swear. He sprained his ankle while jogging and took a cab back and found out that he couldn't walk properly anymore. I just want to laugh at you only.

Might be going on Bangkok trip with Vee! YAYNESS you know haha but we need more macho boys to protect us, like MAN MAN aka XIAO MAN. ( WINKSSSSSSSSSSZXZXZXZ AT MRS MANTOU )

10:21:00 pm

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

DAMN, we can't carry out our secret plan anymore. RAHHHH so disappointing. ):

Have they ever considered the size of the human brain? And realised it's impossible to squeeze everything in one night?! I can't draph graphs, I can't do vectors, I can't memorise the integrals. Why like that! I was once the Maths Peanut that everyone looked up to ( haha ), now I'm just a nobody. I want to get 90/100 for Maths again!!! David would be so disappointed to see the state my maths is in now. Daisy's too ashamed to face you lar we can't be the Maths Peanuts of 4 Unity anymore. )))))))):

The animosity is seriously killing me. Why can't we just live happily like we used to?

You bold things that are important.

Mel flew off again. Miss you Cherry.

10:47:00 pm

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

2 down, 3 more to go, it's flying pass, liberation will arrive soon.

Chemistry is the worst subject ever invented. I didn't realise how limited my chem knowledge was until Daryl pointed out to me that a bent shape is 105 degrees. And besides that, I've learnt today that the fraction of molecules decreases when temperature increases. AND that PV/V graph is always a horizontal straight line. And some other random facts. The highest score I hit for MCQs is 11/20, at least it's a pass. I'd be happy if I just had a D for Chem and they'd allow me to take Physics S. I can't stand to think how disappointed Gary Chan would be if we didn't take Physics S.

" You all must take Physics S paper okay! I already have all the answers for VJ S paper, written out neatly, you don't even have to go for lectures! " -the ever so weird and kk GC

I can't wait for our secret plan on Thursday! (: To display our loyalty once more.

Hey you! Don't drink so much Redbull, too much of it killsss.

I don't feel the need to care about people who don't even give a damn. And I can't emphasize how much I dislike people who cross lines they know they're not supposed to. I'd welcome a truce, but don't expect me to take the initiation. And YOU, you know I'm talking about you.

I hate bugs and animals. They make my hair stand at 90 degress to the horizontal. A beetle just dropped right in front of me.

To right, the unrightable wrong;

10:13:00 pm

Sunday, October 02, 2005

When a friendship comes to a standstill, you always feel sad. But then, those are just seasonal friends, friends that you're damn close to for only a period of time. ( eg. 5 months ) These friends usually die out due to misunderstandings/ quarrels/ simply lack of effort to maintain it. It's really no use pondering over these seasonal relationships because it will never be better than friendships that offer you a lifetime of happiness.

Happiness is laughing your head off and rolling on to the floor over a stupid joke. People like Beatrice Mok never fail to make your day. She is so ridiculously funny she can even make you laugh over a piece of tissue paper. :D We love studying with geniuses, they answer all sorts of questions under the sun. And HoneystickBoys who buy me yoghurt too. HEEE.

I just love bitching with Grandpa 75 bucks. Bitchiest male on Planet Earth. We share a love for hot and pretty girls, unlike people in the East who think that plain and normal girls are hot. Grandpa reckons they have serious eyesight problems and they ought to get their eyes checked.

It's kind of a relief that papers are starting tomorrow. At least you know it'll be over very soon. And then, all the fun begins! :DDD

10:06:00 pm

All I want to say is I love Bird and Sam. Sometimes, all you really need is just somebody else who understands.

Bird, we'll pull it through and not give in to senseless people who don't have a backbone.

It's okay, if you decide to just go away;

12:36:00 am

HEY YOU!

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